When Your Soulmate Is Not Single

The past few weeks this thought has been playing over and over in my head: what do you do when your soulmate is not single? What do you do when you finally meet someone you think is your soulmate -after years and years of bad dates and/or failed relationships- but, surprise(!), they’re with someone else? Is it possible for your soulmate to be married? And what happens when soulmates are apart? Are soulmates always meant to end up together?

I’ve mentioned before that some of the things I write about in this blog are loosely based on my real life experiences. I wrote this post two weeks ago and had it scheduled to go live the Thursday before last, but then I decided against it for some reason, and reverted it to draft. To be honest, I felt I was giving away a bit too much about my personal circumstances and, even though I don’t share my real details in this blog, I still don’t feel comfortable sharing 100% of my personal life.

But, then, on Tuesday, the person who inspired me to write this post and who is the reason I have been thinking so intensely about soulmates the last few months walked past me. And I felt again this inexplicable intensity of our connection. And I thought, maybe there’s people out there in the same situation, who would benefit from my post. So, in the name of “being unapologetically you”, the reason I’ve been thinking about this so much is because it’s (sadly) happening to me.

I think I met my soulmate but he has a girlfriend. To be more precise, I’m pretty certain he has a wife. In all fairness, I only think he is my soulmate; sometimes (well, most times, 99% of the times) I still doubt whether it’s the real deal. Because, in my head, I’m like, why the fuck would I meet someone who connects with me on such a bizarre level when they’re not available? It’s like the universe is mocking me. And to take it a step further, it’s not just the being taken bit, there’s other reasons why he’s not available to me and why it could get messy, but I suppose the main one is I’m not a home wrecker.

Can you feel your soulmate before you meet them?

Here’s the thing, I’m going to get a bit philosophical for a minute. I have a question for you, any of you reading this: do you think we can feel our soulmates before we meet them? Actually, let’s start with this question first: do you even believe in soulmates? Do you believe there is one person for everyone in this planet? Or, do you belong to the group of people who believe we have lots of soulmates in a lifetime and they can be friends, romantic partners, pets?

There’s this book by Edgar Cayce called “Soul Mates: Unlocking the Dynamics of Soul Attraction” (which I have yet to read!), where he claims that soulmates are not merely one individual, but that there can be as many as 20 or more soulmates in one soul group!

Personally, I’m a mix of both. I one hundred percent believe my dog is my soulmate! But, I also believe that there is only one person, one soulmate, one twin flame (more on this later), whatever TF you want to call it, in this world for everyone. And you might meet them, and you might not. And if you don’t, you’re fucked. And if you do, and they’re taken, you’re also fucked. And if they’re not taken and you get together and they die, you still end up fucked. Is that a bit too cynical for a blog post about soulmates? I’ll try to tone it down. 🙃

My point is, meeting your soulmate is all fun and games, until you realise you can’t be together, for whatever reason. And while I was doing some research before I decided to write this post, I came across this question “can you feel your soulmate before you meet them?”. And do you know what? I think you fucking can.

Here’s a little fun story for you: for months before I met this person I was having these strange dreams of me being around someone; I couldn’t see their face in my dreams, but there was this vibe, this feeling, there was something between us that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, and it would wake me up in a state of “WTF just happened?”. And this very “WTF just happened” feeling is what I felt when I first heard his voice. It took me a minute to start comprehending what he was saying, because I felt like something hit me out of nowhere. 

And the kicker of the story? I always get this weird, tingly sensation when he’s around me or even if we’re just talking on the phone; it feels like we’re wired, like an electric current, like we don’t need words to communicate. When he walked past me on Tuesday, I felt him before I actually saw him. I’ve heard people talk about this, but, frankly, I thought it was just bollocks. 😬

Anywho, the question still remains: what the fuck are you supposed to do when you think you’ve met your soulmate and they’re in a relationship/engaged/married with children/just bought a house with someone else? What do you do? Apart from despairing and crying your eyes out and asking the universe “why me?” that is.

when your soulmate is not single marizé

Sometimes it’s a good thing when who you believe is your soulmate is not single.

I read this psychology post on “The Minds Journal” that talked about this very issue. However, their view on it was that when your soulmate is not single, it might actually be a good thing. Did you just think “what kind of lame bullshit is that”? Yeah, same.

I was reading it and they kept going on and on about how there is a possibility that when you meet your soulmate, they might already be in a relationship with someone else; but this may be just to give them some lucidity on what they really want for themselves.

Perhaps, it claimed, you meeting them at that point in time, when they are committed to someone else, can help them see you through a different lens and clearly make out how exactly things would be special if they were with you.

There was this other post too -which I can’t find right now- that more or less supported the same idea. It read that maybe, the reason your soulmate is not single when your paths cross is because they have yet to grow and learn certain lessons. They need to go through this experience with the other person, in order to become who they will be when you finally end up together.

And, do you know what, that’s all very lovely, and I’m not gonna lie, it does make sense to an extent and my romantic water sign self can see it. I do, I see it. I see how everything happens for a reason, and you cross paths with people exactly when you’re supposed to and you enter people’s lives when you are meant to.

BUT (yes capital but), how does that help you when you feel you’ve missed your chance? When you feel there is so much wasted potential and so much unfinished business? Do you say “fuck it” and you move on and hope for the best, or do you wait for them to see the light at the end of the tunnel? OR do you become the villain and pursue them even though they are with someone else? Decisions, decisions.

When Your Soulmate is not Single, It Might Actually Be A Good Thing
What happens when soulmates are apart?

And while all these thoughts were going round and round in my head, lovely TikTok, as per usual, showed me this video on my for you page, about “the one that got away”:


#stitch with @yasintarabia1 can we talk about this one?!

♬ original sound – Cindy Noir✨

Basically, there is a chance your soulmate was not ready for you when they met you, and when they became ready they just got together or married whoever was around at the time. 🙃 And this fueled my already fucked brain and it got me thinking about compromise, and how so many people compromise with people they don’t really love, with relationships they’re not really happy in, with jobs they hate – you get the picture.

So, to answer the initial question ”what happens when soulmates are apart”, the answer is “nothing”. Nothing happens. You can both go on with your life, you can keep living and going about your daily routine as if nothing has changed. Only, everything has changed. You’ve met someone who is your other half and you’re wasting your time being apart. You can live without them, sure, but you will never find out what it would feel like to live with them, to wake up next to them everyday. You will live a life of “what-if”.

The difference between “soulmates” and “twin flames”

When I was looking into the concept of “soulmates” and “twin flames” and why I feel so weirdly connected to this certain person, I came across a Quora post, which I think I will quote word to word, because it’s so fucking accurate, in my opinion. The person who wrote it describes the concept of Twin Flames so beautifully. And, sadly, I feel it is a very accurate description of my situation. The Quora question was this: Why are twin flame connections important?

Twin Flames are more like a match made by a crazy Trickster; written by a mad writer and characters of a whimsical or surrealistic tragic comedy.


And the amazing answer was this:

“Because they are not like any relationships you had before. They hit you like ‘tonnes of bricks”, and demand all your attention, to the point of obsession. Whether you want it or not, you can’t get away from it.

Unlike Soulmate relationships – they do not smoothly develop into romance or close friendship, and unlike crazy crushes – they never go away. They are not always romantic, but typically they do feel like “wild love” and engage you on all chakras and energy bodies. You feel that they are a ‘lost part of your soul”, same as you, but different, you can’t forget them even when you try.

They often have a lot of obstacles and non-compatibility – different nationalities or religions, different social classes, a large age gap, both or one can be married, and many other issues…They are not perfectly compatible like most Soulmates who are typically like a “match made in Heaven”, hero and heroine of a Christmas movie…(Soulmates can also have some differences, but not unbearable, just to make it interesting – like different subcultures or tastes in music, again, think “romantic comedy” – can’t be too perfect, or it would be boring).

TFs are more like a match made by a crazy Trickster, written by a mad writer, characters of a whimsical or surrealistic tragic comedy. They feel like one being, but socially and emotionally they are often totally non-compatible. The reason for them to meet is SPIRITUAL, they are supposed to put each other on a spiritual Journey, clear all the ego and social beliefs, some will eventually become a couple, but most come and go, never fully merging and never fully separating, but opening all kinds of amazing abilities and visions in each other.

They can only truly unite in higher dimensions, beyond physical lives, and some authors claim that TFs only meet between human lives, but we know that it is not true – they do meet, but it is a turbulent and unsettled relationship – until all the obstacles are overcome and all the differences are settled in unconditional love they always feel for each other.

They might never unite in this life physically, but they would always be connected spiritually, in dreams and meditations, and they will always be together after death. Twin Flame relationships are RARE, most people do not understand them, usually, TF is not somebody your friends and family can easily accept.

If they do Unite – a huge energy field is created, they often bring 10D–11D energies to Earth, and can have all kinds of missions together to help humanity, and their united energy is incredibly strong and powerful, they transform all people around them, create communities, start spiritual movements or mystery schools, can affect political structures or channel new technologies, create new artforms, and any other ‘blast of creativity” around them.”

when your soulmate is married marizé

The bottom line

First off, if you’ve made it this far, thank you, you’re a real one. Secondly, unfortunately, I don’t have an answer for you. I have absolutely no idea what you do when your soulmate is not single.

I guess, the obvious answer would be to leave them alone, accept the situation as it is, and try to move on. But, we all know, the obvious answer is not always the easiest or the wisest. I suppose it would also depend on the circumstances.

If your soulmate is not single, but is miserable taken, and say, decides to break it off with the other person -not because of you, but because they are unhappy- then I guess there is hope.

If this post came up on your google search about what to do when your soulmate is not single, and you were hoping for advice, I’m sorry but I’m as confused as you are. As a matter of fact, please leave me a comment with your advice and life experiences, which might give me some insight into my shitty situation. 🙄

M. x